The quietest Chair at the tabLe
It’s that time of year again. I always find myself thinking, “didn’t we just do all the holiday stuff?” But here we are again. Life moves fast, and the older you get, it seems to speed up exponentially. Holiday seasons have a gift of bringing all our emotions to the surface, like the froth on an overpriced eggnog latte, whether we like to acknowledge them or not. For some, it can bring mainly nostalgic memories, favorite recipes, family gatherings, and joy. For others, it can bring a lot of sadness, loneliness, pain, and grief.
I know, personally, this Christmas brings a real mix of emotions. The joy and expectancy of seeing my children’s faces light up with that magic Christmas spirit, celebrating birthdays, and traveling to see family overseas.
There’s also some sadness. The dull ache of grief when I think of my grandma who passed recently. All the little routines and rituals that we take for granted, like making cookies from her special recipe we’d made every year of my life around this time. Remembering childhood Christmas memories at her house with family and countless cousins gathered around her oak dining table, candies and festive papers piled up in the middle. There’s now an empty seat where our grandmother used to be that can never be filled or replaced.
Most of the time, it’s really hard to feel joyful and festive when you feel the weight of grief. How do you carry joy and grief at the same time? The easy thing to do would be to “fake it till you make it”. We’ve all done it, coaching yourself to just get through the family dinner so you can go home and be alone in your sadness. Maybe loneliness is what you’re carrying around day in and out, made even more painful in the midst of all the crowds and Christmas bustle. That’s not an easy burden to bear.
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It's important to know that it’s okay to experience all of the feelings this holiday season. You can still feel joy and sadness together. You can show up and be present but still feel the weight of grief. You don’t have to try and fill that empty chair. You don’t have to pretend the absence doesn’t hurt. You certainly don’t have to prove you’re “okay”. I want to encourage you this Holiday season that you aren’t alone, not really.
Whether you are a Christian or not, please hear me when I say this, there is still hope this holiday season. It comes in the smallest of packages, an innocent infant born in a manger. A sign for ALL that God is with us and loves us. That He would send His only son to be born in a simple and lowly place, and that baby would one day take all of our sadness, pain, grief, and sickness upon himself. His promise to us fulfilled even in the darkest and coldest of nights.
I want to encourage you to lean on someone this Christmas season. Share your sadness. Chances are, some of the closest people are feeling those same things too. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is simply showing up. Showing up to the last minute invitation, that work party, a friend’s house, the family dinner that brings all the feelings.
Because that quiet empty chair you see…
It’s quiet because it mattered. Time can’t change that. As you find your own place at the table, don’t forget that you matter too, don’t miss out on sharing your life and story with those you sit with.